Pillar Five – Social Environment

The last pillar of success is Social Environment.

Birds of a feather they say.  As noted in the Adaptability section, part of the reason we as humans are here vs. the other versions we may call Neanderthals and variations of homo sapiens, we evolved being very social in nature, needing larger groups to survive and thus developing communication more quickly and once we started communicating, we never stopped.  This developed from clicks to words, which then led to stories and the ability to document these stories.  These stories then became our history.  We have passed down these stories from generation to generation to provide a structure to our existence and a guideline for our preservation.  From this guideline for the overall human species we have smaller microcosms that trade stories, aspirations and guides that the rest of the group uses in their individual guidebook of success.  If you want to know the aspirations of any person in a group, you typically need to just ask one person in a group.  That doesn’t mean that you may not have friends or acquaintances with different aspirations, but you typically keep those with similar aspirations in your inner circle.  Being social creatures, it’s easier to communicate with those who have similar aspirations and we all need to feel included.  This is why we segregate ourselves by political affiliation, religion, income brackets and schools to name a few.  Our social environment is where we get our continued affirmations of what we believe to be true.  This can be a powerful ally to our own internal conversation of those things that we desire in life both externally and internally – everything from providing the spark, fanning the flame to completely providing the fire.  If the family environment in a previous pillar is where we get our blueprints for success (from communication idioms to success paths) then the people we keep in our internal and tertiary groups define and influence how we perceive ourselves – they can reinforce both the positive and negative stereotypes that we have been taught, read and learn about ourselves.  Thus you may read something that provides the key to your success path, you may be so excited because you know in your soul that this is the best way for you to fulfill your calling and let your spirit sing becoming the best you.  You share this with your friends, and depending on whether or not your friends are aligned with this understanding themselves, they may inadvertently dash these dreams.  Same can be said from your family environment because of their past history under the auspices of you not getting hurt or experiencing the same failure/pain that they went through or someone they new – maybe even a friend of theirs.  Their egos may get in the way because they also know this is a great idea and they consciously or unconsciously are afraid that this may challenge the conventional order in your friend group.  They may sabotage this by putting it down, taking away your newfound drive/dedication to this idea vs. helping you by taking you through the exercise of making this a possibility.  Or they may not know any better because this is the response they got from their families and believe this is the expected course of action in these situations.  And why your social group can have such a large influence in your day to day preparation for success.  Too many of us are afraid of failure – this is also an egoic problem.  We are afraid of how we will look to others in failing that we don’t even try and ironically, don’t take the necessary preparation steps to give us a realistic chance of success.  So our approach ends up only validating what we believed.  Your social environment/group can also make up for familial group gaps by also providing for you a viable success path.  You may come from a family group that may not provide the emotional, educational, spiritual, sense of self and loving environment in addition to the monetary needs of providing for food, shelter and the basic hierarchy of needs defined by Maslow.  Your social environment/group can fill any of these gaps.  Spend some time defining our present needs.  Think deeper beyond a Big Mac, or the hot girl/guy, more money or anything physical for a moment and think relative to who you are as a person and what your inner being knows you should be.  You will find that your present social group typically re-enforces those immediate needs that you may feel lacking in you or even what you want to be.  They can as noted earlier in this section, re-enforce the concept of need that you have within yourself or believe within yourself.  This may not be true of everyone, but your friends reflect your own thoughts about yourself, including your hopes, dreams and goals.  Those that don’t fit the bill probably don’t because, you are the same for them.  What part do you play – it may be different roles for different friends/people in your social group, it may be the same role.   Either case, it’s important to understand what part of you and what you believe is being positively or negatively influenced by the people you allow and keep in your inner social group.  Are they expanding your being or diminishing it.  If your family environment diminished your spirit and who you believe you can become, it’s important to recognize this within yourself and understand if your social group is doing the same thing because you feel you “need” this negative affirmation.  If this is a true statement, then it’s important to understand why you believe what you believe.  What is it that you feel as being inadequate in you and how did you get to this realization?  Is it from a specific experience or a range of experiences where you were reinforced as a child/adolescent of an inner fear/knowledge gap and you allowed this to propagate into something you accepted as truth and a part of you.  What we need to realize are these belief systems that we’ve accepted as truth in our lives without any real substance.  Marianne Williamson said it best when she notes “ Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, it is that we are powerful beyond measure”  and “we were made to make manifest the glory of God that is inside us, it’s not in some of us, it’s in all of us and when we allow….”.  Powerful beyond measure…. Think about that for a moment.  You are powerful beyond measure – now does that mean you can do whatever you set your mind to immediately… No.  What it means is that by first training our mind to no longer shackle and chain ourselves, then we can truly become our true selves.  This first step will then transform your relationships because you understand why you believe what you believe but also where you want to go.  After impacting what you believe is possible and those that will help you` along the way, then more an more experiences in your life will shape you and guide you to your best self.  Does that mean everything you encounter will be magical and something you want?  No, but each part is a life lesson for the greater whole of you.  You become what you believe.  Change your thoughts and you change your life.  Stop the excuses and you can finally own the end result – this may not end of exactly as you pictured but it will be really close.  And if not, then you have a good blueprint to use the next time.

The main difference between someone that tends to win vs. someone that tends to lose or not meet their goals is the concept of owning what end result you want to happen.  Thus, a common trait that I find in those that tend to lose or not reach their goals is they tend to rely on excuses and explanations for failure.  That doesn’t mean they have never succeeded.  But when the rubber meets the road and this is a goal the person wants that expands their existing core skillset – or something that they many not fully understand, they tend to create excuses for their failure.  On the other hand, those that win accept the fundamental thought that they create their own result – through their own actions.  Because of this, they take all the necessary steps to prepare their minds and bodies as well as supporting casts to create this end result.  This can be done through constant repetition in preparing the body for great physical feats of endurance, strength or speed and the same applies for those challenges that are mental – each of these prepare both the mind and body with what this desired outcome takes and feels like.  Besides repetition, there is also the expansion and variety when the planned outcome may not be as clearly defined.  So by preparing the mind or body with a variety of different challenges, we are in effect creating multiple blueprints from which we can draw upon in the future and with mastery can then adapt these blueprints to fit the variable challenge for the new desired outcome.